


Four Things Elizabeth Weir Will Never Say in Season Four

by Luna (lunasky)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunasky/pseuds/Luna





	Four Things Elizabeth Weir Will Never Say in Season Four

  
  
  
1\. “Rodney, next time I see you, you’d better have all your appendages attached.”  
  
Elizabeth stood next to Rodney in the infirmary.

“I thought Atlantis would have safe-guards—”

Doctor Keller moved closer, adjusting the monitor to Rodney’s chest. “It did have safe-guards, that’s why your arm is in stasis,” she picked up Rodney arm’s from the table and looked it over. “As near as I can tell, it’s perfectly fine, the bone, muscles and ligaments were cleanly severed.”

“And what’s keeping his blood from spilling out?” Elizabeth asked, trying to keep the nausea down as she stared at Rodney and the hole in his shoulder where his arm should have been. It didn’t require squinting to see the bone, muscle and ligaments swimming around.

Keller shrugged. “It’s like plastic wrap, only stronger.”

“Hello, that’s my arm you’re just waving around. I’m the only one that gets to wave my arm.”

“And the reason he’s not screaming?” 

“I think the nerves were frozen when they were severed by the transporter. As to why he’s not in severe shock, I’m not sure. I’ll have to run some blood tests to see if the transporter released some drugs after severing the arm.”

“But you can put it back?” Elizabeth asked.

 “Sure,” Keller replied. “At least, that’s what this Ancient device is for over here, I think. They must have had some accidents while perfecting the technology.”

Elizabeth nodded and then turned back to Rodney who was reaching out and poking his severed hand as if trying to determine if he could feel it. She put her hands on his good one. “And the lesson we learned from all this, Rodney?”

He gave her a sheepish smile. “Keep you hands and arms inside at all times until the transporter comes to a full and complete stop.”

  
**2.  “It’s not the streaking I have a problem with; it’s the running through the halls.”**

Elizabeth said, sitting in her usual chair in the meeting room. Lieutenant Cadman sat next to her, having the good grace to look embarrassed. “At least Lisa wasn’t burned too badly.”

Cadman nodded. “We were laughing and not paying attention to where we were going. But you should have seen the look on Dr. Zelenka’s face. It was priceless.”

Elizabeth nodded. “I have no doubt it was amusing, but getting second degree burns is not.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cadman nodded and then got up. “I understand. No more _running_ naked in the hallways.”

“Thank you.” Elizabeth sighed as she watched Cadman leave and felt a trickle of regret for having forgone the poker night last night for a chance to catch up on some boring paperwork.  
   
Getting up, she tossed Kavanagh’s written complaint in the trash without reading it. He’d only been here a week this time, and he was already filing complaints. She rolled her eyes. After all, he was partly at fault too. He shouldn’t have been carrying an open coffee through the halls. 

  
**3\. “They want sex for food?”**

“Just for the record, I’d like to be the first to volunteer,” John said, giving Elizabeth his winning smile and making her spew the mouthful of coffee that she’d just sipped.

“That’s very kind of you Colonel, but…”

“No, no. I insist. It’s for the greater good,” he interrupted her. “The Ramparts would consider it a holy gift and be forever in your debt. Think about it. Unlimited food and natural resources. And they’d never betray us. You can’t get that kind of loyalty without some sacrifices. I’m willing to do my part.”

“Hey, why does he get to be the one to volunteer to have sex with you? I’ll do it too.”

“Don’t you get it Rodney? They want a kid with the gene. Elizabeth’s the leader, so they see her as some kind of royalty, and I have the strongest gene. Your gene wouldn’t get passed on.”

Rodney looked disgruntled. “Well, I’m still offering to have sex with Elizabeth. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not pulling my weight around here.”

Elizabeth tried to wipe up the spilt coffee with the sleeve of her shirt. “No one is having any sex for anything around here.”

John raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you want me to put out a city-wide memo? There’s gonna be some disgruntled soldiers out there.”

“And scientists!” Rodney added indignantly. “We’re getting it too. We’re getting it all over the place.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath. “No, Colonel. You and the marines and the scientists can have sex with whomever you’d like, providing there’s consent. But I’m not about to prostitute you or me or anyone else out to the Ramparts. And for the record, I can’t believe that you’d conceive a child just to hand it over to someone else!”

“They’d treat us like Gods…” John let his voice trail off, not getting it at all.

“You could always have sex with both of us at the same time, that way you wouldn’t have to worry about giving anyone special treatment or anything.”

The meeting room got very silent as everyone looked over at Rodney.

Elizabeth looked at him in shock. “There will be no trading of sex or offspring for food, shelter, weapons, or god-like status. Period.”

  
**4\. “Colonel, when I said you could have sex with anyone who was consenting, I trusted you to use some judgment in the matter.”**

John looked away in embarrassment and Keller tried not to snicker. John’s face was blue with yellow polka dots. An STD of sorts, though the inhabitants of P4D-337 saw it as a badge of manhood.

“I didn’t think—” John tried to hammer out.

“No, obviously you didn’t,” Rodney interrupted, his voice more vicious than she would have expected it to be. “Didn’t it occur to you to ask why all the other men had blue and yellow faces?” 

John hid his face under the pillow.

Then Elizabeth remembered the rumor she’d heard from Lorne. If the grapevine held any truth, the buxom blonde that had seduced John at the festival had done so only after turning down advances from Rodney. Maybe Rodney was jealous that John had succeeded where he’d failed. 

But then if Katie Brown was to be believed, the blonde had gone after John to spite Rodney when he turned her down. But that made no sense. First of all, Rodney would never turn down a beautiful buxom blonde, period. And even if he did and she went after John, the only way that would make Rodney this bitter was if…

Suddenly a light dawned in her head and a thousand little things started to make sense.

“Well,” Elizabeth said clearing her throat. “From now on, no more intimate relations with alien species until they’ve been cleared by the medical staff. Aside from that and the consent issue though, what people do behind closed doors is no one else’s concern.”

She said the last part specifically to John, catching his eye as he tried to hide his face again. He paused and then gave her a small, half-hidden grin of thanks.

Rodney on the other hand wagged a finger at John. “Don’t think this gives you free-reign to invite whatever aliens you want into your bed. Just because you have these stupid rules you insist on following doesn’t mean you can keep throwing them in my face. I’m not—”  

“Shut up, Rodney,” John said firmly enough to interrupt.

Rodney stopped in mid-tirade, obviously angry enough to keep going but the pause let his words catch up to his thoughts. “Oh,” he said when he realized they had an audience.

Dr. Keller busied herself with measuring out the dose of antibiotics and humming under her breath as she’d heard nothing at all.  
   
Quickly turning to face her, Rodney started to stammer out an excuse. “I didn’t mean what that sounded like. I mean—” 

“Shut up, Rodney,” Elizabeth said with a smile.


End file.
